IETLS 6.5の壁から抜け出す方法 4

 

ここでは、当校のアカデミックライティングの添削サンプルを見ていただきます。

 

問題文

Some people prefer to live in a house, while others feel that there are more advantages to living in an apartment.

Are there more advantages than disadvantages of living in a house compared with living in an apartment?

 

 

青ーアカデミック表現や英語的な自然な表現

赤ー訂正

コメント・提案

There is no doubt that the choices one’s choice of housing depends on each individuals preference relating to their lifestyle and needs. However, I believe that living in a house brings more benefits than drawbacks when compared to living in a flat because houses tend to provide their residents with more privacy and space.

Those who think that the advantages of renting an apartment outweigh the disadvantages (逆ですので注意!) would believe may argue that there are is more freedom (<— 不加算名詞) from responsibility. Tenants, In general, tenants have (or Tenants, in general, have…) no fixed mortgage to pay, let alone the property maintenance or its incurred cost to take care of, as this duty often falls on the landlords or property management companies. On the contrary * In contrast, house owners are usually tied up with these responsibilities, sacrificing their valuable time and money. In addition, renting a flat can give offer greater flexibility for moving relocation than owning a house. As traffic congestion has become a serious problem for residents of major cities, moving closer to their workplace can certainly be advantageous for their well-beings.

 

On the other hand, I believe that living in a house afford provides the privacy and space which people need. giving Given that most houses are owned rather than rented, people who live there in them can accommodate their establishment modify their accommodation to fit their life needs. For example, after children have grown up and possibly moved out, their rooms can be used for another purpose. Renovation and remodelling can be done as they wish (<- この文章だけが孤立した感じになってしまっているので、トピックセンテンスの後、例の前に持っていきましょうか?). Furthermore, the a garden, which many houses possess, can be a good place for small children to play in. The garage, if they have one, can store many a lot of equipment and tools, other than on top of serving its original purpose (a garage が名詞で動詞が store となっていますが、a garage が貯蔵することができませんので動詞を変える必要があります). Essentially, house owners can enjoy the privileges of space and modifiability which living an apartment cannot provide.

 

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